The Friendly Heart-Attack!!!

Well your vacationing at home lazing around, doing every possible thing to kill time which strictly includes only eating, sleeping, texting and scanning through facebook profiles of friends and foes. Everything is going perfect to keep you busy with nothing, you notice your tummy bulging out a little more every other morning (courtesy overly loving mom making you eat at least twice as much you would eat normally) & you’re tired of cribbing about your boring idle life & still feel blessed with it at the same time.

So how can god see you maim and cry about your boring & idle life? So here comes the miracle!!

There’s this friend of your on whom you had a long hidden secretive crush & she happens to be in town as well, texts are exchanged you’re all set & looking forward to meet her. While planning the meet up messages flow from one cell to another in usual fashion. You see the blinking LED of your cell phone and you know instantly that it’s her message with some details of the time & place shit about tomorrows meet up. All happy & gleeful you open up the message only to find out that apart from the time & venue shit it contains a BOMB for you as well & before you could even think of running away it explodes right on your face as follows “you’re so cute i have to tell you something, I’ll tell you when we meet tomorrow. I don’t know how will you react but I am very excited to tell you”.

 The moment you read it you know it’s loud and clear all she wants to tell you is that she’s going out with some guy. But the Changez Khan optimistic last ray of hope inside you is not going to give up so easily. You crib, cry do all sort of saam, daam, dand, bhed drama to get it out of her mouth & at the same time praying it’s not that what you’re thinking of it to be, but all your prayers and cribbing to god goes in vain as here it comes in the exact form as follows once again “i think I’ve found the Mr. perfect for myself. He’s really cute studying law in some xyz university, I know him since school & i am really happy, he loves me a lot.”

And all this while you were trying to get it out of her all you kept thinking about is you’re loosing up your entire even back-up options dude. Everything is slipping off from your hands and going away from you not because someone else is the shining star or some big-shot it’s all because you have been underperforming since long and with great consistency, you screwed up the CAT exam & are not in some fuck awesome kind of B-School no one cares if you missed it by a whisker or gorge. No matter if you’re all set to join a decent enough organization as compared to people around you & even this friend of yours. This is what perhaps happens when you perform below par your own expectations. For the world you may be doing well enough but for your own self you are convinced that you’re not doing well enough. It’s not only about some crush of yours walking out with someone else but how your underperformance have this cumulative effect on all aspects of your lives. How you began relating everything to your professional success, failure & unsatisfactory outcomes as a relative measure to the happenings in your personal life or i should rather say life in general.

But as slowly & steadily you keep writing this and the news keep sinking in you realise that it’s not about success or failures in your professional life. It’s more of the negative mind set you develop if you’re not performing in your professional lives as you’ve decide for yourself. So actually there’s nothing to worry about but it’s more of how jealousy and competiveness have crept into almost everything.

And by the time you feel sleepy and decide to end the post the Changez Khan Spirit takes over again & you become confident that this is absolutely nothing to ponder or worry about. It’s just that one of your best friends has started dating sum one & you are feeling jealous about it and I guess it’s very obvious to feel jealous when your good friend starts dating sum one. And then you realise how jobless you are and such a directionless writer you’re. Just look at the post where you’ve started and where you’re ending!!!  : P

And all of this ends with extreme amount of laughter and leg pulling and coffee sips with the same friend whose dating sum one made you so uncomfortable for a few minutes.  J  I wonder if this is how we are naturally or we’ve become due the competitive analytical mindset we’ve adapted to. Where every incident & happening in life is analysed like a problem with all the possibilities pros & cons, ayes & no’s, logics & inferences!!

That Examination Hall..!!!

Cold Sunday morning, welled up eyes, swollen nose, sneezing at a constant interval of every 30 seconds, swinging head as if I am 100 joints down, carving for sleep and height of irritation & restlessness …
No this isn’t me at my friends place or my place or anyone’s place after a drunk wild rave drug party but this is me in an examination hall writing this crap on the space provided for rough work in the question paper with one out of three hours still left for the examination to end. And I have this free time not because I’ve solved all the questions super brilliantly in two hours but after smacking and banging and getting my mind fucked for two hours I’ve reached on the conclusion that THIS IS IT.


Almost 60% of the questions have bamboozled me in and out thoroughly and with patience raising serious questions and doubts over my engineering skills & these very questions though written in general English language looks like alien manuscript written in windings and webdings to me. And these aliens are for sure not from the earth not even from our galaxy it seems. I’ve been humiliated and molested soo much by this question paper that I am left with no choice but have to write this one to in the remaining time to distract myself & save some of the self confidence I am left with regarding my engineering skills and powers :D :D.


Right now all I can think about is my friend’s performance in this very same exam (he’s a sucker for exams his exam count in past two months is more than 20 ranging from lower division clerk to CAT and what not) actually I am wondering what if he does better than me in this exam. No God no that’ll be such a disaster take this thought away from my mind right now. Next on the thought list are upcoming results for the previous semester freezing everything of mine in sheer nervousness & taking the shit out of my pants. Another prominent thought hovering over my mind is possible placements and higher studies equations. Not much behind actually the most dominating ones but in stealth mode are the thoughts of the love I have had… the love I could’ve had and the love I have…. Mixed super complex feelings of amusement, hope despair ,excitement ,thrill ,and something strange beyond expressions all at once and all at the same time…..it not much but just that I can see her off from the airport here to Boston and wish her luck for whatever she’s going for…


Woo ooo ooo I’ve just been prompted by the lady invigilator and cross questioned for almost 10 minutes about what I am writing which seems like a passage to her in a supposedly objective questions based examination solution for which can be best obtained with either mathematical equations or predicate logical statements…. And all I could tell her was that I am just trying to spend my free time. Now this statement of mine have not done any good for me she’s constantly staring at me and passing humiliating smiles. Though im least bothered and concentrated how high or low she thinks of me, but this constant staring of her have left me with even more blurred concentration and interest levels for writing…so that’s all for now from the examination hall, lets concentrate on that girl sitting on the left diagonal to me…. She seems to be quiet hot ..though I can’t see her face properly but her glaring shining legs coming out of those khaki cargo shorts says a lot ;).


No I am not perverted its actually that she’s actually good and so are her legs….Actually the legs are good so it’s kind of inference that I’ve drawn that she’ll be good as well……

Expressionss...Unexpressed.........!!! :O

Wish every emotion every feeling, which we experience, could be expressed precisely in a word or two or could be defined within exact boundaries as we express and define our  anger, happiness, fear, despair, agony, ecstasy, love, hatred  and countless other emotions. We run across these emotions quiet often, almost every day in our lives, & are able to express them quite comfortably, and with similar ease can convey these feelings to whomever we want to.

I wonder how often and if at all, you also come across this special and rare species of reactions or you can call it emotions or chain of psycho and physiological reactions which are triggered by some special event, like with me it happens when I get to read or hear something from someone whose…..errr………..ummmm………twitch…..twitch… <3 <3  ;-) darn special and important my life. But in a strangely complex manner, that situation when you come across something or witness something which open flood gates of emotions inside you & in spite of how much we try and take control of things we’re left with cyclones fiercer than that of the Mars’s and Jupiter’s running inside your stomach, excessive burning of blood and oxygen in the diaphragm  as if you’re breathing in mixtures of highly flammable gases and not just simple oxygen. The heart beats so fast that you’re forced to believe that continuous hearth quakes & its aftershocks are specifically targeting you. You can feel your ears and face turning warm & red due to excessive flow of blood. The blood, which is full of emotions, reactions, interpretation, expectations and what not. Jaws stuck to each other and the body ceasing to move. Your mind filled with things to say but the words won’t come out. These flash floods of emotions which leave us like a mum dead statue in midst of crowd.

It carry’s on for an undefined period of time until we recover back from it to start again, start again to prepare for many such flash floods, many such killings of things which are inside us but we bury it sometimes for sum one else and sometimes for ourselves and most of the times just like that………

Fashion friend wants to kill me ;)

I know it's been ages since I've posted on ma blog...A lot have happened in past few months which I'll definitely post,but the current topic which i am dying to post is that my fashion friend wants to kill me.

   After quiet long we again got in active contact with each other once again,which against my expectations was smoother and much better than what i was expecting...juzz a few texts exchanged and we got back to our usual normal flow which was so relieving & comforting....It always feels good to get back in contact with good old friends. All this while when i wasn't in much active contact with her i missed her constantly and badly, specially during late nights when i felt hungry...as that used to be the time when we generally talked & used to discuss the menu of the most famous eating joints & restaurants and eateries of the entire NCR region .I wish i had words & patience to elaborate in detail how much i missed her & in what all situations be it while eating something extravagantly delicious or be it while crossing the metro station near her home.........

But all's well that ends well.Now that we are back again i can forget it all & enjoy my reunion. Now coming back to how my fashion friend is planning to get me killed.Well what do i say if a 5'9 tall frame with the most beautiful eyes fresh as gateway to heaven long locks which can give complex to the super model who's promoting L'oreal, face as cute as a baby....& i can carry on and on & on in her praises for two three decades without a pause....have started working out in some proper type gym & is on a diet regime. Not to loose weight but to gain weight & Toned....this came as a true shocker for me and left me with a wide open mouth wondering what on earth she wants to look like........I'm sure if she goes by her plans she is surely going to be kidnapped by Greek juntaa who'll mistake her as there goddess of beauty & not only that it will spill in troubles for me as well & dent my pocket quiet deeply.As it'll require me to travel all the way down to Greece and get her back from there as it's impossible for me to let my business partner & cute-heart friend go away.

Its almost sure that she's not going to give up on her regime & i don't even want her to do that. I just wish that she gets all that she's been training hard for without having to work out much & god turn all the Greek Population blind so that they don't take away my fashion friend ala business partner away from me & the last but not the least a little bit of looks and physique for myself so that when i walk down with her it doesn't gets embarrassing for me as well as her. :P :D

Love ya fashion friend sorry for not keeping up with you all these days but u are and will remain the same for me always :-)

Mr. meSs in Louve..... ;-)

With my heartbeats thrice as normal giving me a feel that its more of oscillating between my diaphragm and throat rather than beating, myself restless as ever and ma eyes working as sharp as the 5th generation US military radar system. I was scanning each and every car passing by or halting in not that very broad but heavily encroached road of Hauz Khas market.
     It wasn't the first time i was meeting sum-one for the first time, but June 10 was the day I've been waiting for past 3-4 days only. That's another thing that 'twas quiet a mammoth task waiting for these days to pass.In these 3-4 days i had checked the calendar and every possible place which shows the date sooo many times as i would've done in a whole year or even more than that.
         I had reached the pre-decided place of our first formal meeting half an hour before the scheduled time 12.30,all thanks to my excitement which dint let me sleep the whole night before, thus eliminating the possibility of me waking up late and getting late and also to Mr. Jenson Button who was driving the auto i had taken.
         I had planned to reach the venue at 12.15 i.e 15 minutes before the time in order to make sure that she dint had to wait for me and to get used to of the place. I was enjoying  the waiting phase,though with every passing micro second my anxiety,nervousness,excitement and happiness increased exponentially after all i had waited sooo long for this day.
          Since the market was a crowded place with quiet busy traffic i got scared with the thought of not being able to spot her in the backdrop of crowd and rush. The same instant i was getting scared my mind for the first time after decades flung into quick action and after a series of complex reactions which took a few nano seconds came with the idea of concentrating on "Ambassador Cars" amongst many cars which were passing by.I was sue she'll be dropped by some of his dad's staff so it has to be her dad's office ambassador which she must be riding for her classes.
         After few minutes of wait.watch,scan,twitch,tremors in my heart a speeding white ambassador car crossed me towards ma  left hand side.As a reflex to the movement of the car i moved to my right to spot her in the crowd and at the same time i could hear ma heart beats as loud as a super powerful yamaha speakers blasting at the peak of its decibel capacity. After almost 50 most anxious seconds of my life i spotted a 5'8.5 feet tall neat frame with a slight heavy built and fair complexion and goddess like aura around her walking slowly towards me.It took me 4.5 Milli seconds to get sure that here she is my heart beat which erstwhile was 3ice the normal speed settled down to below normal the yamaha speakers which was blasting wid my heart beats transformed into the most melodious of tunes, the sweat on my forehead vaporized and in 44 degree hot summer afternoon of Delhi i felt as if i was standing in cool snowy breeze of shimla.
         As she walked a few steps more closer towards me i could see her and my heart holding her right hand and both of them walking towards me.See my heart was soo eager to meet her that he dint even waited for me..jumped off and took her hands....m soo jealous of my heart but at the same time i was happy seeing her gladly accepting my hearts hand and coming towards me smiling though that wasnt a big broad smile but a sweet simple smile which had effect of 100% pure alcohol.Within a few seconds here she was standing infront of me.I was soo much spellbound that i dint even took notice that i too walked more than a few steps towards her.
As we both stood infront of each other my eyes got fixated at her cute,pretty,beautiful,gorgeous (add all the words which can b used to describe beauty..) face.All i could focus on was her fairly larger moist eyes,a cute little nose,plum lips,thick black hairs chipku and straight over her skull till her ears and semi curls below that.She looked soooo fresh as she have been just out of shower.Her fragrance was like something which would've refreshed the whole world in one instance but for that moment i was the only fortunate one who had access to it..........wasn't strong but very mild something which did not excited me but made me felt something like nirvaana although m the most nonspiritual soul you will find around.I was so engrossed in her face i wasnt aware what was i speaking if i was speaking at all.The very first sight of her made my heart do some complex biological operations which mixed some strange chemical in ma blood and with that chemical fixed blood spreading all over my body i could sense a strange type of anxiousness and sense of relief happiness and high. 
   My concentration and fixation on her pretty lovie dovie cutie putie face and our conversation which i wasn't actually aware of was broken with the alms of a beggar who was standing right behind me....Aaaaaarrrggghhhhhh!!!!!.
"I am not going to give anything to this person theres no use of encouraging these beggars.."..to which she responded..."even i don't encourage these beggars,absolutely no use".
I was glad that our point of view regarding the society are similar.I felt like taking her hands and walking away.which i certainly didn't do :P.After a few more general talks which consisted mostly about my reservations for goin back home her parents her class mates and similar stuff (nothing romantic or mushy mushy at all)..we started to walk a bit forward after a few minutes which seemed like nano seconds to me she said its time that we should walk towards her class as there's not much time left to which i agreed with my heart saying "can i lift u up in ma arms till your classes" i wish i could've done that.
Again after a few minutes which again seemed like nano seconds to me, we were standing right infront of the place where she had to go for classes and to my disbelieve and shock we had hardly 5 minutes left at our disposal.
God knows who conspired against me i think it must've been god himself those 7-8 minutes passed within few blinks of my eye lashes and to great grief and sadness to me we bade good by to each other as i saw her descending the stairs towards the basement of the building where she had her class clinging her dark hand back between her arms & side portion of her body the size of that bag was fairly large to which ma heart said "i wish was small enough to fit in that bag,i would've jumped into that went with her and would've never came back".


I wish i could've stopped time.But as they say everything every wonderful thing should come to a halt before it can re-start its journey with new enthusiasm and energy, i hope the end of this meeting was our halt before we can restart it all over again :-)

Baskhari, Uttar Pradesh

Many of you must not be knowing that Baskhari is a small village in eastern Uttar Pradesh with almost no access to internet and sans any modern facilities a few regional board schools and only one CBSE board schools thats all this place have got in terms of educational infrastructure.
So whats so special about this place that i am blabbering about it and giving a trademark copied style of detailed description about this place......?????
Well the specialty is the discussion which i had with one of my friend & classmate whose basically from the same place, during lunch few days back while we were watching a movie, don't expect me to tell you the name of the movie.........not that i have got to do something secret or suspicious with the movie..its just that i don't remember the name.....wonder y you got so serious about it. ;-). 
Well in the movie the actress confessed about her sexual relation with one of her friend after she got married as we munched down the last bit of the roti who was demonstrating its elasto plastic property to perfection. The confession was coming after more than two decades of there marriage. To this confession her husband reacted as expected madly..and abandoned her.
To this i candidly asked my friend " what you would've done if your wife would've confessed of having sex with some other man..?? Not with an intent to cheat upon you..but take it is as just one off moment or say weak moment of her life.
And the reply which came from him was the least bit of what i had expected.......at least not from some one who for the most of his life lived in a small village....and had no exposure to the so called modern and Hippocratic life style..the words he said in the reply to ma question was 
"....kya karoonga..kuch nahi...will ignore and move on...(pause)..agar wo ek moment  bardaasht kar k jhel jaaoge na to aage ki life kitni set and love filled ho jaayegi u cant even imagine....."
i was literally floored at this reply  of his...wonder how many men from the so called metro cities will be having such broad horizon of thinking and level of maturity. I m sure not much....and given a chance they wont miss an opportunity to indulge in the same if they get an opportunity to score with some other girl or women no matter how the lady sitting back his home is loyal and honest to him......

The Bounty Hunter...............!!!!!!!!

After numerous postponements and delaying tactics… I finally decided to meet up ma kiddo friend whom I had promised to buy drinks provided she does her exams well. … After exchanging almost over a hundred messages and over a dozen phone calls we finally agreed over to watch “The Bounty Hunter” at DT star, Saket, the 12.35 show. Once everything was decided 'twas already 8 in morning and i couldn't resist to catch up wid ma sleep for another half an hour and dozed off. .…. and when I finally woke up and came back to senses I realized that ‘twas already past 10.15am; before I could’ve got up from ma bed I already knew that I m never gonna make it to the 12.35 show and nothing but only a solid excuse can save me now………...


So after a quick fire sms session the we had new plan with everything remaining unchanged apart from the movie timing which was changed to 2.35 and I was supposed to reach there by 1.40. Once everything was finalized I slept for another half an hour ignoring the risk of getting late once again… Thankfully this time I woke up on time……..


The big confusion was how m gonna take this vodka bottle which i had promised her….i was in no mood to carry my backpack and It would be insane to carry the original glass bottle. So I finally decided to pour the 180 ml content of the Smirnoff bottle into the Dew bottle I had n will carry it coolly as if m taking carrying cold drink wimmaself….


As I was on ma way to select City my phone kept beeping wid her messages which contained instructions that what should be my answer to the questions if her dad asks me anything;her dad was coming to drop her. I wonder why was she creating so much of fuss and had to make stories….. I could’ve asked her mom and m sure she would’ve never objected me taking her daughter out for movie not even her dad would’ve objected. …… [They think m a nice guy ;-)]….. But I guess that’s what girls like, complicating things. Finally I reached the spot, 15-20 minutes late and for all that time they i.e. she and her dad were waiting for me in there car…. As I moved towards her car my nervousness kept increasing as ‘twas my first encounter with her dad….I was wondering how he’s going to react and all that stuff….. but he was a true gentleman for sure the way he took my hand between his hands and responded to my greetings and apology for making him wait juzzz swept me off from ground he was so humble....


Moments later I had her daughter’s hand in ma hand and we were merrily walking towards the ticket counter…she had already grabbed, almost snatched the dew bottle which had vodka from ma hands…and took a sip…"I need a bit of pepsi to dilute it…its tooo warm” she said to me smirking a smile at me…"we need to take the tickets first I guess…..”


As I asked at the ticket counter “Two ticketes for the bounty hunter 2.35 show” the guy sitting in that window replied….. “The censor rating for the movie is ADULT so I cannot give u the tickets”. This disgusted me like anything I threw at him my college I-Card and directed him to flip it and see my date of birth in it..and asked him if he is satisfied or he needs a police verification…to this he simply replied and asked “Sir will u like corner seats or center seats”.which slightly cooled of my burning ego ;-)


After finally getting the tickets we both marched inside the mall looking for a suitable eatery where I can get her some cold drink to dilute the vodka…... I finally got her some sprite in a glass & French fries …I took a few sips from so that the glass had enough space to accommodate both vodka & Sprite. I finally poured the vodka into that glass as she kept on looking me gleefully munching those fries. As we passed the by lanes of the mall she kept on munching her fires and gulping the vodka and telling me stories about her friends getting proposals, she getting proposals and how cute I am. The best thing that I remember from that convo was she said whenever you’re around only one songs play into ma mind and that’s “tu hai to dil jaantaa hai…I’ll be all right.”….. This really set up ma mood and helped me in forgetting that ticket window incidence….. Trust me I don’t look like a kid and that jackass ticket executive had some genuinely serious problem with his eyesight.


We entered the Audi with food good enough for as much as four people….. but both of us were hungry souls so as the movie passed on we kept on munching on all that we had bought. She was a bit high I guess although she hasn’t accepted it yet that she was high but I remember her sleeping off on my shoulders few times after the intermission. Sometimes I feel sad for her she is such a nice kid whose sooooooooooo good at heart why the hell she can’t get out of this drinking habit of hers…???? I keep on asking ma self…but I hope she will quit it soon as this drink from me for her came because of a few reasons


1. I had to keep ma promise that if she does well in exam I’ll buy her drinks.


2. Her promise that this will be her last drink before her birthday which is almost 35 days to go and….


3. The threat that if I don’t buy her drink she’ll have it on her own.


There isn’t a question that I’ll let her drink on her own…I won’t let that happen that’s too big a risk for ma kiddo friend.. I don’t want her to land up in any trouble.


After the movie she insisted me for some more beer but this time I refused flatly and dint fell to her emotional dialogues but I had to get her a cigarette to her as that was included in the reward which I had promised her for performing well. I was feeling real guilty when I was giving her that cigarette in the auto as we were headed towards her home…..so to nullify the smoke effect I took 5-6 puffs and smoked almost half the cigarette myself as she took the cigarette. This gave me a bit of peace and a swinging head as am a strict non-smoker….. As the auto zipped through the traffic between saket and Hauz Khas…… she once again slept off for a few minutes leaning on ma shoulders and I kept wondering if I had done anything wrong…???My intensive thought porcess was broken with some wet kisses falling over on my face without warning....obvioulsy from her only......i ain't intrested in autowallahs at all...... :P


Finally we reached the street which leads to her home ….I asked her to blow at me as we reached the corner of the street….. so that I can check whether her mouth still have that stinky odor of alcohol or not… I was doing it the 17th time I guess thankfully it wasn’t …. i had get her enough of food and mint to check out that odor …..and as we stood in front of her house I once again repeated my list of DO’s and Don’ts for her as she kept looking into ma eyes smiling and giggling…and embraced me tight and landed up a few actualy sweet kisses on ma cheeks and...….& rushed towards her apartment signaling me to call her back as I reach my home… …..