Well your vacationing at home lazing
around, doing every possible thing to kill time which strictly includes only
eating, sleeping, texting and scanning through facebook profiles of friends and
foes. Everything is going perfect to keep you busy with nothing, you notice
your tummy bulging out a little more every other morning (courtesy overly
loving mom making you eat at least twice as much you would eat normally) &
you’re tired of cribbing about your boring idle life & still feel blessed
with it at the same time.
So how can god see you maim and cry about
your boring & idle life? So here comes the miracle!!
There’s this friend of your on whom you had
a long hidden secretive crush & she happens to be in town as well, texts are
exchanged you’re all set & looking forward to meet her. While planning the
meet up messages flow from one cell to another in usual fashion. You see the
blinking LED of your cell phone and you know instantly that it’s her message
with some details of the time & place shit about tomorrows meet up. All
happy & gleeful you open up the message only to find out that apart from
the time & venue shit it contains a BOMB for you as well & before you
could even think of running away it explodes right on your face as follows “you’re so cute i
have to tell you something, I’ll tell you when we meet tomorrow. I don’t know
how will you react but I am very excited to tell you”.
The
moment you read it you know it’s loud and clear all she wants to tell you is that
she’s going out with some guy. But the Changez Khan optimistic last ray of hope
inside you is not going to give up so easily. You crib, cry do all sort of
saam, daam, dand, bhed drama to get it out of her mouth & at the same time
praying it’s not that what you’re thinking of it to be, but all your prayers
and cribbing to god goes in vain as here it comes in the exact form as follows
once again “i
think I’ve found the Mr. perfect for myself. He’s really cute studying law in
some xyz university, I know him since school & i am really happy, he loves
me a lot.”
And all this while you were trying to get
it out of her all you kept thinking about is you’re loosing up your entire even
back-up options dude. Everything is slipping off from your hands and going away
from you not because someone else is the shining star or some big-shot it’s all
because you have been underperforming since long and with great consistency,
you screwed up the CAT exam & are not in some fuck awesome kind of B-School
no one cares if you missed it by a whisker or gorge. No matter if you’re all
set to join a decent enough organization as compared to people around you &
even this friend of yours. This is what perhaps happens when you perform below
par your own expectations. For the world you may be doing well enough but for
your own self you are convinced that you’re not doing well enough. It’s not
only about some crush of yours walking out with someone else but how your
underperformance have this cumulative effect on all aspects of your lives. How
you began relating everything to your professional success, failure &
unsatisfactory outcomes as a relative measure to the happenings in your
personal life or i should rather say life in general.
But as slowly & steadily you keep
writing this and the news keep sinking in you realise that it’s not about
success or failures in your professional life. It’s more of the negative mind
set you develop if you’re not performing in your professional lives as you’ve
decide for yourself. So actually there’s nothing to worry about but it’s more
of how jealousy and competiveness have crept into almost everything.
And by the time you feel sleepy and decide
to end the post the Changez Khan Spirit takes over again & you become
confident that this is absolutely nothing to ponder or worry about. It’s just
that one of your best friends has started dating sum one & you are feeling
jealous about it and I guess it’s very obvious to feel jealous when your good
friend starts dating sum one. And then you realise how jobless you are and such
a directionless writer you’re. Just look at the post where you’ve started and
where you’re ending!!! : P
And all of this ends with extreme amount of
laughter and leg pulling and coffee sips with the same friend whose dating sum
one made you so uncomfortable for a few minutes. J I wonder if this is how we are naturally or
we’ve become due the competitive analytical mindset we’ve adapted to. Where
every incident & happening in life is analysed like a problem with all the
possibilities pros & cons, ayes & no’s, logics & inferences!!
